[::Back to basics::]

[ Friday, November 19, 2004 ]

WHY?

I found out that I have been asking this question why?
Fact is I ask so many times that it almost became numb.
I have always lived my life fitting to myself, a world of my own.
Protection against the outside so that I would not be hurt.
I thought by living a life by conforming to the society, I would be safe.
I thought by living a life by my own principles, I would be safe.
I thought by giving my all to my loved ones, especially you, I would be safe.
That I would be in my safe zone, with you around to support me.
That I would be able to pull myself together and live a life together with you, with you be my side forever.
I thought by giving my all to you, you would also do the same.
Fact is, chump, I am wrong.

I have been hurt by hurting you.
I have been hurt numerous times.
I have been hurt by my own actions.
I have been hurt by my own words.
I have been hurt by being afraid of being hurt.
That's why I give and give and give.
So that I will not be hurt.
I am so sorry, please forgive me.

Thru this lesson, God has been very gracious. God has been good.
Thou, in this down times, as I turn to God.
God spoke to me in a very special way.
One thing I have definately neglected.
That is all this while I have been surviving on my own strength.
All this while I have neglected God.
When all this while He had been faithful to me even I almost turn my back to Him. I am thankful for good friends in christ who had brought me back to me feet, and to turn to God for strength instead.

Thing is God, everything else seem so simple.
Just to obey and follow your word.
I would love to do that, for You are my Abba Father.
The Alpha and the Omega.
Thing is God, when it comes to matter of the heart,
I simply falter, God I am so sorry.
God, I really do not know how to put it.
God, I really do not know to pray to You anymore.
God, I want to cry out to You.
Heal my heart O' Lord.

:: Inscribed by Kai [3:06 PM] ::

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